Another possibility; no other possibility
Inescapable pain; inescapable freedom
Why is I not doing so well?
Eventually, I announced to them that I was dropping my yoga practice - U.G. Krishnamurti, Mind is a Myth
Here is a narrative that might resonate.
There is pain, or contracted energy, inside your body which defines your unique reality. The conditions of this reality are never satisfactory no matter what they are. That is, you almost constantly feel as though this can’t be ‘it’ (what is longed for) whatever path you follow and however things are. There is a long list of effects associated with this pain and seeking to be free of it – dissatisfaction, listlessness, stuckness, boredom, frustration, anger, rage, hate, anxiety, depression, isolation, loneliness, flatness, confusion, disillusionment, panic, desperation, sorrow, grief. And the rest!
I am here for you because I have been there (all of the above) for you. The uncompromising nature of this expression suggests that this is the last place you will look because there is ultimately nothing to find; this is already home.
I am not a qualified counsellor or therapist. My expertise comes from living with intense fear since birth and the unravelling of accumulated pain over the last nine years or so. Fear has always been there in my timeline, though variably obscured by the junk going in from attempting to escape it. I now see that there is nothing wrong with fear. Less untruthfully it might be said that there is nothing to fear, only unconditional love ‘fearing’. When this is revealed then the paradox of unfindable freedom is resolved. What you have been longing for is now obvious.
The belief in ownership of fear gives rise to any number of 'escape patterns' that serve only to add more pain. This can also be conceived as trying to find what seems to be missing or attempting to become whole by adding. I tried to escape or find wholeness via checking out, running away, avoiding, waiting, knowledge, education, qualifications, status, achievement, position, money, alcohol and other drugs (prescribed and not), therapy, counselling, coaching, materialism, travel, niche experiences, yoga, zen, spirituality, gurus, mysticism, nonduality, career change, location change, anything change. And the rest! An insane search for freedom in an imagined place called 'not this'.
What now?
Please get in touch if this resonates and there is a willingness to look at this pain with the openness to another possibility. There are no claims of 'done' here. Painful patterns still appear and there can be 'getting caught' in them. This is a deeply flawed human though when I meet with others in pain the passion intensifies, which can be 'loosening', more open and clear.
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What do we do?
I listen and respond to whatever comes up from your side. The responses will typically be subtractive in nature - tough love. We should also be laughing at the total ridiculousness of this.
Why call this yoga?
Words fail whatever we call this. Nonetheless, yoga is the tradition which features prominently in my ‘seeking the end of pain’ storyline and the word itself points directly to freedom, so why not? It can serve as an empty framework for increasingly simple models of 'context' before all the conceptual crutches are kicked away and a blank post-it note will suffice.
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How long will I be a client?
You are a client until you realise you are not. There is no such thing as graduation here or telling you how things are or should be. Whatever unfolds. Please get in touch if you would like to meet or discuss how this might work.
Inspiration
When there is nothing other than singing it fills me with such passion, joy and inspiration that I can barely contain myself. I love this soaring vocal which points to a story of transformation. Unconditional love is everything.
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From the pain come the dream
From the dream come the vision
From the vision come the people
From the people come the power
From this power come the change
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- Fourteen Black Paintings, Peter Gabriel
Some words from unteachers that I love
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The idea here is to present a seeming unprocess of subtraction and simplification meeting the resonance of various communications. I read a lot of books attempting to get to what already is.
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Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.
- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
You are a sick puppy.
- Michael ‘Mickey’ Singer, 1st visit to Temple of the Universe
Pain, the price of freedom.
- Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul
The Self is free from all qualities. Good or bad qualities pertain only to the mind.
- Ramana Maharshi, The Essential Teachings
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There is no such thing as your mind and my mind.
- U.G. Krishnamurti, Mind is a Myth
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The numeral one gives rise to other numbers. The truth is neither one nor two. It is as it is.
- Ramana Maharshi, The Essential Teachings
Bit of a joke isn’t it?
- Russel Williams, meetings at Buddhist Society of Manchester
The world is a mirror. Everything manifest is a mirror. Whatever quality you put out will be reflected back to you.
- Russel Williams, Not I, Not other than I
The Sadguru has not to know, He knows. He knows that there is nothing to know.
- Meyer Baba, The Everything and the Nothing
Most people don't want to wake up. They want to play seeker while they focus on upgrading relativity.
- Fred Davis (via email), Awakening Clarity Now
There is no way to realise oneness because all there is, is oneness.
- Andreas Müller, Ungraspable Freedom
Dogshit is the Beloved.
- Tony Parsons, Friends Meeting House, Hampstead
Realisation is nothing to be gained anew.
- Ramana Maharshi
My heart is beating. It is beating hard. I am trapped and I can't get out. Trapped and lost. Where am I? What is happening to me? I am angry. Nothing makes sense. I have been searching so long that I can't see anything anymore. Help me. Please help me. Show me the way. Show me the way out please. I am so tense that I can't open because I have to solve the problem. But I don't even know what the problem is. I feel exhilarated but I don't know why. It is fear but also feeling on the brink. I'm on the top of a skyscraper. I want to jump but not fall. I want to soar. I sense the freedom but I can't touch it. Something is in the way. The anticipation is thrilling because I am going to find out. I can see the path but I'm scared to walk down it. There is love in me. I know there is but I put it down somewhere and forgot where I left it. Give me the answer. Put it in my hands so that I can play with it and I can solve it. Don't bullshit me. Help me with my scepticism. I have tried so many things and it doesn't make sense that nothing works. How can it? Make sense of it, I'm frustrated. I can feel the charge inside. All those experiences before also made me feel like this.
Lee Mollins (photo at Sri Ramanasramam in Tiruvannamalai)
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